


beware this hungry heart of mine

by BabadookBabe



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Codependency, Eventual Romance, F/F, Forests that want to eat you, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, LGBTQ Character of Color, Melancholy, Mentally Ill Characters, Minor Character Death, Modern Middle Earth, More tags to be added, Nonbinary Character, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Kili/Tauriel, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Schizophrenic character, Sexual Content, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vampires, elves live a looong time, middle earth was lost to time, mild Codependency, mirkwood is sentient, past arwen/aragorn, past eowyn/faramir, the forest is alive, time is not kind to them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:30:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabadookBabe/pseuds/BabadookBabe
Summary: (carnivorous by design / beware this hungry heart of mine): Even immortality has it's limits. In The Seventh Age of this world, Middle Earth has been lost to time. Except for the forest of Mirkwood, now unnamed and untouched by the encroachment of Man-and the strange beings that inhabit it.





	beware this hungry heart of mine

**Author's Note:**

> My second fic on ao3, inspired by the song Carnivore by Giselle. This work is also heavily inspired by the writings of [kimaracretak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaracretak/) .More tags will be added if needed, if anything is not tagged and needs to be please let me know!

_Come away, O human child!_

_To the waters and the wild_

_With a faery, hand in hand,_

_For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand._

_\------_

Éowyn had heard the stories, stories her grandmother Morwen had whispered to her as a young child against the backdrop of dark evenings in autumn.

_“Don’t go out into the woods, my child.”_

_“Why not? It’s so pretty there!” Éowyn, only seven at the time, often played at the edge of the woods of her grandmother’s property when her parents were busy and had dropped her off at Morwen’s. She’d play among the leaves, wielding a stick for a sword and pretending she was some fierce warrior princess from a story._

_“Some say that the last of the fae dwell in the woods of this country, but I know the truth. I have seen them. They are even darker creatures still- creatures that feed on blood.”_

_Éowyn shivered, the firelight casting shadows on the wall. “You’re scaring me grandma.”_

_Morwen continued as if Éowyn had not spoken. “They were the fair folk once, beings of the earth who spread light wherever they went. Immortal and full of joy they were, until Men drove them back into the secret places of the world. The ones who never left this world were forced to stay, becoming unrecognizable.”_

_The older woman’s eyes looked almost fearful, frenzied in the fire light, and she suddenly grabbed_ _Éowyn’s arm in a vice like grip. She tried to pull away, but the grip only got tighter. “Promise me, promise me you won’t wander there! Promise me…” Morwen’s eyes unfocused and she began to mutter unintelligibly, looking through Éowyn as if she was not there. The little girl hated when her grandmother slipped into these states, and even when she gently shook the woman it was no use._

_She’d torn away from her grandmother, Morwen’s hand suddenly becoming slack. She ran, not stopping until she was in her room._

_Those nights found young Éowyn under the covers, too scared to close her eyes. When she finally fell into sleep it was fitful, her dreams full of dark sunken eyes and blood on the forest floor._

_\----_

_-Some years later-_

The woods at the edge of Morwen’s extensive property were vast, but even in sunlight there seemed to be a shadow over them. It was an unnamed forest, un-marred by the encroachment of developers. The trees themselves were tall and dark, almost menacing.

Éowyn, being but ten at the time, had paid no mind to this until her grandmother’s stories. Her parents used to drop her off at her grandmother’s, but nowadays they would stay to take care of Morwen as her

mind failed her. Morwen used to only occasionally have episodes, unknown to her parents until Éowyn had casually mentioned it one day.

_“How was staying with your grandmother Éowyn? Did you have fun?”_

_Éowyn had smiled at her mother and father, playing with the Xena warrior princess doll she’d been gifted recently for her tenth birthday. “It was nice!” She paused then, her attention to the doll temporarily broken. “Well…it was nice until grandma started talking about dark things in the woods and whispering to herself. She keeps telling me not to go there, into the woods, but it’s where I can play and pretend to be Xena! I keep telling her it’s fine but…I don’t think she hears me anymore.”_

_Her parents faces had quickly grown grave and concerned as she talked, and Éowyn had turned to them questionably._

_“Éowyn…how long as grandma been like this?” Her father said gently, as if he didn’t want to scare her._

_The little girl blinked, wondering why her father looked so worried. She thought for a minute before answering, realizing something was wrong. “For a while…”_

Her parents had turned to each other, sharing a look, and from then on Éowyn was no longer dropped off at Morwen’s house. If she ever did see her grandmother, it was while a lady her parents called a “nurse” or her parents were present. She was no longer allowed to play in the woods, and her days of being a warrior maiden of the forest were cut short.

Soon after, Morwen passed away.

_The nurse and both her parents, along with Éowyn, had been staying at Morwen’s house at the time. Éowyn had woken with a start, not at a noise but at a feeling. The feeling was one of disquiet, as if something was not quite right. Tip toeing carefully out of her room, she’d made her way down the vast hall. Quiet muttering reached her, and she realized it was coming from her grandmother’s room. The nurse was asleep in the next room, and not wanting to wake her needlessly,_ _Éowyn passed it._

_It was a decision she would regret the rest of her days._

_Éowyn had paused in front of her grandmother’s room, taking a deep breath before opening the door. Inside, Morwen was pacing slowly, hobbled by old age, muttering low under her breath. When she turned to Éowyn it was with eyes bright and feverous, and Éowyn would have almost ran, if it hadn’t been for Morwen’s voice._

_“Come here, child. Come to me.” Her voice was so soft and gentle, so like the grandmother she used to know, that Éowyn had gone to her immediately, wrapping her arms around the old woman. Morwen had whispered unintelligibly but gently into her hair, her arms coming to rest around Éowyn as well._

_Éowyn relaxed into those arms, and felt as if all would be alright. Until Morwen drew back, and looked at her with eyes on fire, her grip on Éowyn’s shoulders tightening with a strength she shouldn’t have._

_She began to whisper, her voice hoarse and low. “Don’t you see, the trees have eyes, they run with blood not sap. Always hungry, always watching, I can’t get a moments peace. They whisper to me, you see, of ages past and what dwells there. If you can see them, they have already seen you. I have seen them Éowyn! I have seen the blood on the forest floor, the poor fawn-she was you! Small and pale and_

_bleeding, I could not let that happen to-“ she cut off, whispers becoming unintelligible, staring past her. Éowyn was so frightened she could not speak, and when she tried to pull away her grandmother’s grip only tightened, so hard was her grip that Éowyn would see bruises later._

_Nothing could have prepared the young girl for what happened next._

_Standing muted, she could only watch as Morwen pulled away, her whole body shuddering as she turned to the wall, placing her shaking hands upon the soft lilac surface._

_She turned to Éowyn briefly, her eyes hard, her lips parting. “Do not go into the woods. Promise me.”_

_Not knowing what else to do, Éowyn could only nod._

_And with the strength she should not have had, Morwen turned and slammed her head against the wall, dropping to the floor with a loud thud. Silence reigned for only a moment, until Éowyn, watching blood quickly begin to pool under Morwen’s head and at her own feet, began to scream._

_Even when her parents and the nurse both burst into the room, she had not stopped screaming. Even as her parents pulled her away and the nurse called 911, she had continued to scream until everything went black._

In the time that followed, her parents had tried to get her to talk to someone, anyone. Counselor after counselor had given up until her parents had too.  As Éowyn had gotten older she had gotten tired of the counselors, of her parents worrying, of everything. She had begun to pretend that everything was alright, that she had gotten over it all. Only then did her parents back off, but even she could not hide the sorrow that haunted her. The nightmares never stopped, and neither did the guilt. If she’d only went to the nurse first…and it was with this knowledge that Éowyn withdrew.

Éowyn was old enough to know what death was-she had lost her older cousin Théodred when she was only five. She’d been too young to really understand or be sad, but now she understood. She understood all too well.

Even if she had been allowed, Éowyn never even looked at the forest again. She didn’t even return to the house for many years. What once was magical became scary, and the image of her grandmother’s lifeless eyes, of her last words and Éowyn’s promise haunted her long after.

\----

Arriving to large estate and through the gates down the long driveway, Éowyn tried to calm the nerves fluttering in her chest. It was a chilly autumn day, the sky overcast, and a slight drizzle had begun. Finally pulling up to the house itself she sighed, turning off the engine and sitting a moment.

It was the usual family get together, partly so that her large family could reunite yearly and partly to honor her dead grandmother, who had been the matriarch of the Dernhelms.

 Éowyn _hated_ the family get togethers. She loved her parents, she loved her brother-but she barely knew anyone else. They were just a reminder that two of the closest family members to her were dead and gone.

And even more so than that, she hated being in this house. Near these woods. The fond memories she’d had as a child for the forest and her time spent there were long gone, replaced by images of Morwen’s frenzied whispers in the dark, and the thud of her body on the floor.  

Without realizing it she’d been gripping the steering wheel, her knuckles white. Relaxing them and letting go, she stared at the slightly trembling fingers. It had been nineteen years since Morwen’s death, and she could still not shake the memories and the guilt. She had loved her grandmother, and she resented more than ever that she hadn’t realized the signs of late-onset schizophrenia sooner. Granted she’d been a child, how could she have known? But there was still a little part of herself that reared its ugly head, whispering its ugly thoughts.

An even smaller part of her wondered if the forest itself was at fault, if it was a cursed place that poisoned Morwen. If it had driven her mad. Grown up her had quickly cast away those thoughts, owning them up to a way of escaping blame.

Her parents, upon realizing what was happening had immediately gotten Morwen the help she needed, but it was too late. Morwen had been old, very old, and nothing seemed to work. All they could do was make her as comfortable as possible, and get an in-home nurse.

Taking deep shaky breaths, she slowly got out of the car. Her parents had repeatedly told her that she didn’t have to come to these get togethers when she’d decided to go to her first one last year. Even then she’d only showed up for a little while, quickly leaving after she’d had to pass her grandmother’s old room on the way to the bathroom. They had even insisted the get togethers be held elsewhere, but the family hadn’t budged. They wanted to honor Morwen in the place she grew up and died in.

A bunch of pretentious bullshit, Éowyn thought. She knew she was privileged, Morwen (who was her mother Theodwyn’s mother), having come from old money. It just meant that she was from a family who more often than naught valued money over people. They didn’t care about honoring Morwen, they just showed up to drink and gossip.

But Éowyn was no coward. She would no longer run from this. She thought maybe, just maybe, if she faced this place and all the memories that came with it, the nightmares would stop. As much as she tried to forget, the little girl who played warrior princess in the woods was still in there somewhere.

She had dressed formally but simply to the event, garbed in a gray dress and black tights with flats. Her only relief was that she knew Éomer would be there, her brother a strong but steady presence. Walking up to the ornate door she reached for the knob, hand still trembling slightly. She drew back, steadied herself, and tried again. Hand finally still she opened the door and stepped into the large house, letting out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding.

A cacophony of voices came in from one of the large living rooms to the right, and before Éowyn could muster up the courage to enter she spotted Éomer, his long golden hair flowing free over his shoulders and down his back. He was just outside the room full of the voices of her family, as if he’d been waiting for her.

She smiled softly and made her way over to him, tapping his shoulder. He seemed to start before relaxing at the sight of her, turning to give her one of his bear hugs.

“It’s good to see you sister,” he rumbled. “I thought you would never show up, leaving me all alone with the vultures.”

She laughed quietly at his all too true statement, but it was a hollow laugh. Drawing back he searched her face, concern etched in every line.

She rolled her eyes good naturedly, knowing what he would ask before he asked it. “I’m _fine,_ I can handle this.” Sobering a little, she looked past him. “I don’t want to run anymore.”

He smiled fondly but sadly at her, his smiles rare and far in between. “You are not running if you choose not to be here. Everyone would understand.”

Éowyn looked down at her shoes, feeling undeserving of the kindness her parents and brother always showed her. She did not deserve it. But she had learned not to voice these thoughts allowed, not wanting to worry her brother and parents all over again.

She’d already caused them enough grief.

So instead she aimed a smile back up at him, albeit it was a shaky one. “Let’s get this over with, shall we? I can already hear cousin Derek complaining about my lateness.”

“Of course, can’t keep the old bastard waiting now can we?” Éomer said it solemnly and with a straight face, but the corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly.

Stifling a laugh, she took his arm and the entered the wolf’s den. The hour or two that followed was a painful one, with many greetings of relatives and unsolicited comments on Éowyn’s lack of husband or children. She was only twenty nine but it didn’t seem to matter. Éowyn deflected with her usual reasons, such as work and not having time. They didn’t know the real reason she didn’t have a husband.

Saying “I’m not interested in men and don’t want to have kids anyway” would not fly with this crowd.

Her sexuality was only known to her brother, but Éowyn guessed her parents had suspected for a while. They never pressed her though, never commenting on her lack of a boyfriend, and Éowyn had always appreciated that.

After it all became too much Éowyn slipped away, saying she just needed some air. The large deck at the back of the house gave way to the estate’s vast grounds, which stretched back into gardens and then…

The forest.

Words flashed unbidden in Éowyn’s mind, all too familiar and unwelcome.

_“Do not go into the woods. Promise me.”_

She shuddered, about to turn back inside but something gave her pause. She would not run. Not anymore. It had been too long, and all this fear, all this dread-it needed to stop.

Turning back to the vast grounds, Éowyn began to walk down the steps towards a place she had not been in nineteen years. Every step felt like she was walking through sludge, her heart pounding, every instinct screaming at her to go back. It took a while, across the lawn and through the gardens, the drizzle having stopped briefly. Her nails dug into her palms, and it was only the pain of that that kept her going.

It was only when she was a few feet away from the forest that she stopped, everything darker than she remembered.

Éowyn had the distinct feeling she was being watched, and more of Morwen’s words came unbidden to her mind.

_“Don’t you see, the trees have eyes….”_

_“Don’t go into the woods. Promise me.”_

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes tight, willing the words away. When she opened them again, it was with determination.

_I’m sorry Morwen. I have to._

And with that she walked the last few feet into the forest, and if anyone had happened to see her enter, it was if the shadows of the place had absorbed her entirely.


End file.
